I would like to think that when I approach my last days I will have accomplished all my goals… visited New Mexico, walked the beaches and forests of Haida Gwaii, toured the Canadian North some summer.

That I will have told my children all the stories of their childhood, given them advice about the children they will not yet have conceived.

I would hope I have spent my days happily cycling the seawall with the wind in my hair (if cycling and hair occur on the same days).

That I would have seen the movies I’ve often thought of and written the stories or even the books I once thought I had so much time to.

I would hope that when I know my last days are upon me, when it’s far too late to walk those beaches, read those books, see those sunsets, that I will not regret what I was not able to complete.

But I have regrets already and that makes me sad. I’m afraid I have wasted time on worry, on work I didn’t believe in, in fear of things that never happened. Of driving a convertible on those bright days, summer or winter, when the world is alive. Of travelling the world for months or a year when I was young and it wouldn’t have mattered, a year or two before I started my work.

And now I don’t have the energy to travel or the money for the car.

I am told that living for today will help ease those regrets. Focus on what I have now. Seize the opportunities. Enjoy the sunshine. Or the rain. Enjoy the drive in my little car. Or a ride on the bus. Explore the city I dwell in. Discover something new.

Enough of the glumps. I am alive today. Focus on filling my day.

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2 Responses to Regrets

  1. t2van says:

    Nancy Farran directed me to your beautiful blog. I am inspired, as I’m sure you inspire those around you, including your children. To “live with intent” each and every day is the richest goal possible and I thank you for reminding me of that. To acknowledge and live with our regrets in life, instead of turning our backs on them is the only way to forgive oneself for the inevitable that happens as we ‘hurry’ through life. I believe that to show what is possible is the best legacy we can leave our children, and you are doing much more than that, you are also showing what is important. A richness of experience rather than a list of accomplishments or an accumulation of things.
    Thank you for sharing your journey.


    • rvanhalm says:

      Thank you Terri for your lovely words. Your response, and those of many others, made me think even more about writing. It’s taken me awhile to have the courage to share again.
      All the best,


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